Before I could see Hats on Souls, I’d never heard of the Red Hat Society.

Unfortunately, I discovered their dark secrets.

The Red Hat Society is an international organization and I’m sure there are happy members all over the world, but I wish to relate my experience in the hope that others will learn from my sad tale and do some research before jumping in as I did.

After I made the discovery of seeing Hats, someone suggested that I join the Red Hat Society. It made perfect sense. After checking out their website, I anticipated a joyful experience in sharing my ability to see hats with my new friends. I mistakenly thought that a society that celebrated hats would be delighted with someone so connected to hats.

Silly, silly me.

The website talks up a good story and it sounds great, but it’s a perfect example of “Buyer Beware”. I didn’t catch on to the fact that if you’re under fifty years old, forget it. Qualifications should mention that a Medicare card is required.

My local group meets once a month and my busy schedule finally allowed me to attend a dinner at a local restaurant. Previous meetings were held further away and after the kazoo incident, I wished I had attended a meeting at one of those less-convenient locations.

One of the members was celebrating a birthday, so everyone pulled out their Birthday Kazoos. After instructions on what end to blow out of (it’s the large end by the way), a Happy Birthday Kazoo Serenade was played.

We weren’t at a local pancake house or McDonald’s. We were at a nice restaurant, near my home. I prayed that my neighbors were all having dinner at home this night.

When the discussion turned to trips and vacations, I mentioned my trip this year to Costa Rica. I assumed that this fun group, as advertised on the website, which also endorses fitness, would share my joy of days filled with snorkeling, horseback riding on the beach, zip lining through the jungle and my first surfboarding lesson. Instead, I was met with deafening silence and stares. I felt as though I’d just declared that I was an alien visiting from another planet.

After our first and only get-together, the group leader checked out my book, Presidential Souls. Without reading the book or asking me for clarification, she called me early the next morning and informed me that I wasn’t a good fit for the group. I was told that they are a Christian group and my beliefs do not fit in. I attempted to give some explanation and I said that if she read the book she would get a better understanding of the true nature of my beliefs, but her mind was already made up.

Obviously, I did not wish to remain a member of this crabby, narrow-minded society, especially when the leader had someone from the corporate office call me to complain about my beliefs! When I told the woman from corporate headquarters that I was looking for a local professional organization of my peers to share the Red Hat Society’s claims of fun and friendship, I was told, “This is definitely not a professional organization!”

No kidding, really?

For me, I’m going back to ghost hunting. The Ellicott City ghosts I hang out with are infinitely friendlier, a lot more fun and a hell of a lot less scary!

My Ellicott City Crabby Guy